To My Daughter, on Two Years Eve

Hi Baby Girl,

Tomorrow – you turn 2.

I know I’m going to have to accept that you aren’t a baby anymore.  I see how hard you are working to be the best BIG sister. How proud you are to be a BIG girl using the potty. And watching you grow is the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen but…

Tonight – just for this letter – I hope it’s okay that I still call you baby girl. Mommy needs to hold on for just a few more minutes.  

I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around us being here already. One minute I was counting all of your firsts and then suddenly…you were counting with me. The other day I heard you count all the way to 10 during Sesame Street. I don’t even think you realized you were doing it. 

I’ve loved that about you being 1. The changes come so fast and furious but you just carry on smiling and laughing- oblivious to the miracle that is you. Moving quickly to the next thing, hungry to learn. A refreshing reminder that we are not built to stay the same from day to day and that growth can be FUN even when it’s hard.  

When your baby brother was born, I swear you grew up overnight. We came home from the hospital and my baby girl had been replaced with a toddler. Your little body seemed larger, the number of words you could say multiplied, and your heart had expanded to carry bigger feelings.

Mommy wasn’t totally ready for that. To mourn the loss of one baby with a new one in my arms.

I’ve learned that motherhood is like that though– beautiful endings and new beginnings swirling together like tie dye – decorating life in unexpectedly beautiful ways.

Speaking of your new baby brother, let’s talk about him for a minute.

I want you to know that you are, always were, and always will be – enough. Before you, Mommy always longed for a biological child and Daddy wanted share that experience. So YOU, baby girl, are the most precious gift we have ever given each other.  We could have lived a wonderful and fulfilled life with just you and your big sister.

Your brother is a gift to you, baby girl. And you to him. We wanted you both to have someone to play with, fight with, be bored with, and be crazy with. We dream for you to be friends, confidantes, teammates – helping each other navigate this life, world, and us.  

You taught us that love can multiply, not divide.  And watching you with him, I know we made the right choice. You look for him when you wake up and run to his side when he cries. It’s like your own sense of family and home is now lovingly braided with his.

Back to you turning two –

I’m not sure I could ever be really ready.  A part of me will always look at you and see your little face the first moment I held your tiny body against mine.  I can’t just forget the first time I held the whole world in my arms.

There are so many moments I’ve wanted to stay in forever with you.

I’m also a little terrified. Everyone says that two is terrible. Surpassed only by “threenagers” and actual teenagers.

But can I tell you a secret?

I think I’m ready for the adventure.

I can’t wait to learn and grow with you.

To meet all those big, “terrible” two feelings with you.

To experience siblinghood through you.

To dress up and let imagination run wild with you.

To keep lying on the ground and admiring the skies with you.  

There will be hard days, of course. Days you don’t want to grow, or feel, or share. Days that you just want to go back to being the baby because life feels overwhelming and unfair.

On those days, baby girl, know that you don’t have to rush growing up. It’s okay to stay little and needy for a while.

There will be times Daddy and I struggle to be our best selves for you. The testing and tantrums will try our patience. Not knowing if we are giving you what you need will defeat and deflate us.

But no matter how fast or slow you grow, no matter how little we know, Mommy and Daddy are your most loyal supporters. Your biggest fans. There is no age limit to our laps, our arms, or our hearts. They will forever hold space for you, all of your tears, and anything else you bring to them. And we will always, always believe in you.

And so tonight, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I officially and lovingly let go of my baby girl.

I let go so I don’t hold you back.

I let go so you feel totally free.

Free to run, eyes sparkling in the sunlight, wild curls flowing in the wind, and heart wide open into this next phase of your beautiful life.

I am so honored to bear witness to the magic of you.

I love you, baby girl. I love you, my BIG (but still little) girl.

Now….in your words, ”Come On! Let’s Go!” 

Let’s go do TWO! <3

Love, Mommy