Staring

I wonder if you can feel me staring.

If it feels intrusive or makes you insecure

Like I feel when people stare at me.

But then I remember you don’t know those feelings yet.

My stare is no different than the air.

Or my milk you drink.

It is just

Life. The only way you know it.

Love. Though you don’t know its’ name.

I fear the moments I forget to look.  Distracted by messy rooms.

Or can’t look. Your sister needs attention too.

Or look elsewhere. At dreams I’m trying not to lose.

Because what if I miss it?

The last time you make that expression without having selected it.

What if the purse of your lips after you eat,

 or the way your chin points out from your cheeks,

aren’t yet captured in my memory or photo stream?

I know the time will come when you are desperate to escape my stare.

You will hide from the anger or disappointment in my eyes.

You will duck away, embarrassed by the adoration in my gaze.

You will seek independence by moving out of my sight.

And so, for now, I will keep staring.

Drinking in every ounce of you,

Creating reels of you in my heart.

Trying to memorize you.

Savoring images before they go

Fueling excitement to watch you grow

I’ll look for the little shifts

Like when your brain and body work together

Or when your heart and soul dance

So I can witness you begin to thrive

I can’t wait to see your sister, Daddy and all of the skies

through the newness and light in your eyes.

For my perspective to be expanded by yours.

Proof I can still be surprised.  

I want you to carry the feel of my stare

Into the future

Reminding you of life itself.

Wrapping you in love.

Putting it on like glasses so you can see yourself through my eyes.

Take yourself in with my awe and wonderment.

See that you are unique – better than perfect.

See your beauty – so specific it creates its own definition.

See that you are exactly enough – everything about you is right.

I hope that when you can feel me staring,

It feels happy, warm, and secure.

So as you learn to live and be loved,

You are comfortable in your skin,

in your full being,

Able to bask in love’s gaze.

More about this blog: About Love.Messy.Life More about the author: About Lainey